What we find to love or to hate comes to us as a substitute for something else.

What did Paula Marantz Cohen mean by:

What we find to love or to hate comes to us as a substitute for something else.

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This quote suggests that our emotions, particularly those as strong as love or hate, are often not a direct response to the object or person we believe we are reacting to. Instead, they are transferred or displaced from something else. This something else could be a different person, an event, a memory, or an aspect of ourselves that we’re not fully aware of or don’t want to confront directly. This is the psychological concept of transference, where feelings for one person or event are redirected to something or someone else.

In the context of personal development, this quote might encourage us to reflect on our emotional reactions and ask ourselves if we’re truly reacting to the person or situation at hand, or if we’re displacing feelings from another source. For instance, if we find ourselves inexplicably irritated by a colleague, we might ask ourselves if they remind us of someone else who we have unresolved issues with. Or if we’re overly attached to a romantic partner, we might question if we’re trying to fill a void left by a previous relationship or a lack of self-love.

In today’s world, this quote could be applied to the way we interact with social media and online platforms. We might find ourselves feeling strong emotions towards people we’ve never met or situations we have no direct connection to. These feelings could be a substitute for emotions we’re not addressing in our real lives. For instance, we might feel intense hatred towards a public figure because they represent values we’re struggling with in our personal lives. Or we might feel a strong affinity for a celebrity because they embody characteristics we wish we had.

In both personal development and societal context, this quote encourages us to be more introspective about our emotional responses. It suggests that understanding the real source of our emotions can lead to greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

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